MIDDLE EASTLANDS

With the arrival of the Arabs the Man City squad is not the only thing getting a sheik up, we've also been informed of City getting a completely new kit, our inside agent obtained top secret images of the proposed kit.

THE DAY'S BIG TRANSFER STORIES

On a day that transfer records were blown away you'd expect Sky Sports to be getting excited, but spot the odd one out of their self-proclaimed "Top Story".

GIVE ME A C....... GIVE ME A U.........GIVE ME AN N.............

Non-League football fans really know how to taunt players, especially when one of those players is a goalkeeper who has just let the ball go through his legs.

BREAKING NEWS: RONALDO FAILS REAL MADRID MEDICAL

The Soho Times have received reports that Cristiano Ronaldo has failed a medical at Real Madrid, none of the medical staff, nor Cristiano himself, were available for comment but we did manage to obtain the X-Rays showing why Ronaldo's tranfer deal has collapsed.

REACTION TO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL

Random Jokes

Rio Ferdinand in a television interview stated that "my Champions League medal is like a chocolate orange", when further quizzed by the reporter Rio replied "it's not Terry's, it's mine", thus prompting Andy "Stamford Bridge" Townsend to throw his glass of water over Steve "Get Back To BBC" Ryder in disgust.

Frank Lampard and Joe Cole were allegedly spotted out in Red Square last night, having clearly had one or two drinks. They were reportedly singing: "We're forever blowing Doubles."

John Terry is going to start making is own brand of vodka - and like him it's bottled in Russia.

Why can't you get a cup of tea at the Bridge? All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.

Caution: John Terry

Scholes Consoles John Terry

Joke Cole Chased By A Bee........No Joke