END OF SEASON AWARDS

Welcome to The Ritz Hotel for the 1st Annual Soho Times End Of Season Awards (Sponsored by E-On).

Player of the Year

No question of the player of the year here, he has dazzled and dazed opponents all season so it is no surprise that Cristiano Ronaldo has won this award. The Soho Times Awards Ceremony is an important occasion, no surprises then that Ronaldo failed to turn up to collect his trophy.

Manager of the Year

Not many candidates to choose from here but Rafa Benitez has just pipped David Moyes to this award (just like in the league) for his outstanding performance in persuading Liverpool fans that he is a good manager. This season the Liverpool fans have tried to force out the "loud mouth" Yanks from the Anfield hierarchy but do you remember who started the public arguments?

Yes it was Sr. Rafa publicly moaning about a lack of transfer activity, then he blows Liverpool's title bid by December, gets knocked out the FA Cup by Barnsley and then fights with Everton for fourth place during the closing months of the season. Despite all this Rafa has managed to manipulate the following situation:

Number of Liverpool Fans Against the American Owners: 350,153,683
Number of Liverpool Fans Against Rafa: 18

Trabajo Bueno!

Worst Haircut Award

Here at the Soho Times is a very conservative bunch of people who feel that all footballers should have a hairstyle reminiscent of a Tory MP, imagine the shock when we uncovered this hairstyle as worn by Bakary Sagna. Should this young Frenchman ever decide to do a handstand in McDonald's you'd forgive the young employees there if they dipped him in a bucket of bleach and proceeded to clean up tomato sauce with him. On a side note of Sagna imagine if this fella had moved to Liverpool and not Arsenal his nickname would be interesting, Laaaaa Sagna would be quite apt.


Quote of the Season

"You probably think I'm Kenny Sansom!" - Matt Lucas on meeting Arsene Wenger

TV Moment of the Season

Phil Thompson when Riise scores an own goal in the 102nd (-ish) minute.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0ycbUM53mFk

Chant of the Season

Fulham's David Healy Chant:

Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed,
The little Lord Jesus,
Laid down his sweet head,
The stars in the bright sky,
Looked down where,

HEALY, HEALY, HEALY, HEALY, HEALY, HEALY, HEALY...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=QeTdS4lAww8

Now Some Random Stats:

• Average number of faux-ethnic tattoos per footballer: 4.1
• Number of camp sites visited by Freddy Eastwood: 16
  
• Last match of importance that Cristiano Ronaldo appeared in: Not Enough Data
• Measurement on Richter Scale when Frank Lampard fell over v Bolton: 8.2
• Number of 17 year-old girls given a "roasting": 119
• Cumulative minutes silences held at Anfield: 65
• Goals conceded by Derby County that have not been Claude Davis' fault: 0
  

LOLCATS DO FOOTBALL

MAN. UNITED'S NEW COMMERCIAL IDEA

One can criticise Man Utd for a lot of things, diving, cheating, moaning, whining etc. However you cannot label Man Utd as a club that rests on its laurels, in terms of commercialisation they have been the trend setters, they even changed their club crest in order to appeal to the American market.

Now it is with great delight that I can unveil their latest commericial exploits, they are only planning to tap into the lucrative "Dating" market, see their new advert below, although rumours that Ashley Cole has been signed to endorse this service appear to be unfounded.

MOURINHO REACTS TO MAN CITY LINK

With Sven expected to be kicked out of Man City at the end of the season, there have been lots of rumours circulating in the media as to who Dr. Thaksim has arranged to replace him. One of the names frequently being mentioned is Jose Mourinho, I have been at the Special One's old stomping ground, Stamford Bridge, to get a reaction to the Manchester City link, only to find this:

NO RACISM IN EASTERN EUROPE.......HONESTLY

With the Champions League final being held in the civilised and cultured city of Moscow and numerous black players representing Chelsea and Manchester United, I would like to reassure these players that Eastern Europe is a tolerant place, regardless of your race, creed or gender.

Oh who am I kidding as this banner of an Eastern European club demonstrates: